Heil!

Heil!

Not that I don't have anything to write, I just... Well. I just need to bother using my fingertips. It's hard, you know. Fingertip-workout. Nah, I just need the willpower to edit pictures and put words on my experiences and feelings really. Editing pictures is the hardest. When you've got 15 pictures you need to get out there, you just need to resize them and put your name on them - that's just plain boring. Resizing and nameputting. Why can't I just look at them and they'll be perfect edited, magically? Stupid pictures wont edit themselves...

Anywho, this post got a little random. Just saying, I'm still here. I will post more. I'm still awesome. And living. I'm most definitely alive.

Just sitting at work in my new military uniform my boyfriend loves so much. If he were to decide, this would be the only outfit in my closets.

My sister is having her baby soon. Mom said it seems as it will happen before new years eve. So I'm naturally anxious. I'm becoming an aunt. With all the love an privilege that follows, without the responsibility and diaper-changing. Best. Familiar. Position. Ever.
I'm so exited!!!!!!

The norwegian food crisis

The world has gone mad.
War in every corners. Starvation strikes most of this planets population. People are being raped, robbed, tortured, killed. Not even children are safe. The world is having an economical crisis. And Norway has no butter.

Wait what?

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C'mon. This has gone a bit too far, hasn't it? I can honestly say I've never been so embarrassed of my country more than in these butterlacking times. The world is going to hell and we freak out because we have no butter to bake our christmas cookies and cakes? That is so selfish. Take a look at yourselves whining about this precious goddamn butter while people are actually starving! Fuck You! Yes fuck all of us whiny bitches. Crisis.. Crisis my ass!

One of the fucked up factors to this shit is that norwegian farmers get a fine should the produce more than they're supposed to. They get a fine. Several thousand kroner. Now that is fucked up.

Well. There is one good thing in all this crapness I guess. I guess I'm lucky to live in a country where the biggest crisis is when we run out of butter. Guess it means we are doing pretty well in general. Guessing is kind of the wrong word. I know we're doing more than well.



When I work in the kiosk customers tend to complain about the high prices on everything (kiosks here are more expensive than regular stores). I usually answer them with:

Well, you are lucky enough to live in this country and thus can afford spending nearly $3 on a gum. So shut it!

The neverending nightmare

When I woke up it was as if I had dreamt it all. It was a distant reality. Surreal.


Sometimes when you've had a nightmare the feeling clings on to you throughout the whole day. It was like that also with this nightmare. Even when I didn't think about the nightmare, the feeling was still there. And suddenly I realised I was pressing myself against one corner at the subway with tears rolling down my cheeks.

I like to believe that my way-to-big jacket and the long scarf I'd swirled around my neck and chin, plus my big sunglasses that covers half my face made me completely invisible. Nobody can see how scared I am. Nobody can see how vulnerable I am. Nobody can see me. And if nobody could see me they couldn't hurt me either. I can't let them see me.

My concentration has abandoned me. My greek notes are just drawings of him. Standing. Threatening. with the needle in his iron hand. I forget to leave the subway when I'm supposed to and I am completely exhausted when I get home. Exhausted from the anxiety. Exhausted from all the people.

I study all the people around me closely. I can see them clearer now than before. Before they were only noise in the background, but now every single of them are in focus. All at the same time. I get so tired from all the analysing and my flickering eyes that cannot focus on one thing too long in case someone moves somewhere else. I get so tired of humans.

But at the same time I get depressed being alone. To be among many people doesn't mean you don't feel alone. You can be lonely, perhaps even more lonely than usual the more people surrounds you. They're all brain dead, heartless, cold zombies, ready to eat me alive should I be so unfortunate to lose my cloak of invisibility; my way-to-big jacket, my well swirled scarf and facecovering sunglasses.
All unknown are zombies.

And I am lonely and depressed until i see a familiar face. Then the world yet again becomes a happy place. I am safe. I am happy. The bad dream fades away in my mind. The memory will soon no longer be a memory.

My way-too-big jacket <3

To be threatened for life

"I don't want to hurt you."

I knew it all along. Had my hawk eye placed on both him and he who seemed to be his partner the whole time they spent outside my shop. My eyes constantly observing his every move. He noticed. Stared back. I knew it.
I knew it.
I knew it.

Still, I couldn't grasp it till I heard he say it.
"I don't want to hurt you."
Not until I'd heard him say the words I noticed the weapon he firmly pointed towards me, two feet away. I froze when I saw the needle. Felt my fright for needles getting no less than it already was by getting threatened by one. A dirty one too. Bloody.
This was not what was supposed to happen. I was supposed to place my hand on his shoulder. I was about to kindly direct him away from the cashier, explaining that he was not supposed to be back there. As if he was lost.
I knew it was going to happen.
I just didn't believe it was going to happen.


"I'm so sorry."






"I don't want to hurt you."






"I'm desperate."

"The land before time" trailer

I know I know, I talk too much about this movie. But you don't understand the importantness of this! It is so important I invented a word! Importantness. Trend it! #Importantness

So for those of you who have no idea of what I am talking about and never ever in your unfulfilled life (yes, because your life is not complete till you've seen it) seen this work of art, have no fear! I put together a little trailer for you. Well... A little collection of pictures randomly found on google. Google truly is your friend, isn't it? So here goes:

You now want to see this movie.

The land before time, the childhood of mine

The first troll invaded my fantasy world the spring of 94. It was hard for me to accept the fact that a troll was living amongst us, but I did manage somehow. Little did I know that this was just the beginning. The beginning of an invasion of trolls. Two in total.

The spring of 96 the second wave came, again threatening to demolish the precious foundation of our family. How many trolls could possibly fit in my mothers tummy, I wondered. Would she eventually die if she did not press all of these trolls out? What if she forgot some day, or what if it happened when she slept? She would die for sure. Evil, little trolls.

And they were, in fact, truly evil. As soon as they got past our borders they started their destructive mission lead by the youngest, most vicious troll. Destroying everything they touched. Everything I owned. My toys. My bed. My teddy bears. Even my Precious. My best friend. My Littlefoot.

"The land before time" was the first movie I ever owned, probably the first I ever saw. It meant a great deal to me. My favourite movie of all times. Still to this day. And last night I got to meet with my happy childhood once more.

My boyfriend and I have now been together for four whole months! No kidding. He has this sweet thing he does every sixth day of the month. He gives me presents! I actually forgot, to be embarrassingly honest. Till I got home to the empty apartment, finding a dino-teddy bear (which I also got for our twomonthday) holding a paper heart congratulation, sitting on top of the nicely wrapped present. This present turned out to be my Precious. In DVD form. All in norwegian! Just as in my childhood. Without the DVD part. Oh those happy VHS-days!

The very same second I opened it I called my sister troll. We're having a film night in her new apartment pretty soon.

LOVE YOU HONEY!!!!

Best way to wake up

Love you hon' <3

My little Troll. Oh how I love you

The day that at first could seem like the worst day of my life was 26th of april the year of 94. An awful day that was. As a child, and throughout my life till adulthood, I loved spending time alone in my room, pondering with my thoughts. Creating a fantasy world just as I would like it. But suddenly my fantasy world got invaded by a troll and I got tossed out of my own kingdom into the cruel world of humans. In the world I no longer was alone. I was now sharing my world with this troll.

Frightening, wasn't she? All the things I did to get her in trouble...

As she grew older she managed to get inn trouble all by herself. Toughest part of my life, as I can remember my life, was when she was at her worst and I was the one strong enough in our family to even care. And it made me angry. She made me angry. How can a girl I loved so much do this to me? To herself? No-one else saw. Not even when I showed her problems right to their faces. Only I could see that my precious little troll that I've slowly adjusted to was crying. Inside herself. She had found her own fantasy world that she was all alone in. And she had put up a higher wall than I did in my time, so no troll could get in. Not even me.

But my sister is strong. Stronger than anyone would think. Stronger that she looks. Stronger that you'll ever be. Stronger than you'll ever know. She got out of the hell she created for herself. She replaced it with love and acceptance. Both for herself and the people she's got around her. She was safe. Finally.

Prom last year, in a dress I made for her

But then..

Then the world as she knew it, as she had rebuilt from the hell she was in, trembled around her, threatening to dissolve into tiny, unrepairable pieces. You do not want to get the two pluses on a pregnancy test as a 16 year old girl just getting her life on the right place. Just as she was getting help with her psyche, anger issues and with her epilepsy. She knew, and we knew, that this was not a healthy body for a child to take form.

She was caught with her pants down. But yet again she was strong. Stronger than anyone would think. Stronger than she looks. Stronger than you'll ever be and ever know. She looked the challenge right in its face and said "Bring it!"

Eight months later (almost) she and her boyfriend, the father of my soon to be niece, moved together in their very own apartment, today (well... Yesterday technically). The whole family has helped them make it through. That is so much more than her mother got when she was in the same situation with me. She is not alone. And no matter how awful the hell around her may seem, we will all pinch in and help. I am no longer the only one who sees.

Mother and father of my soon to be niece.. No wait...

There we go!

Time has flown and my little troll is not so little anymore...

She has grown to be a beautiful young lady with a brain and a heart she uses more than most. She has become a glowing mother to be with the strength and wisdom that is needed to be a good one.

But.. You will always be my little troll. And you will always be welcome in my private fantasy world.

Love you