Tonights thoughts about self esteem

I once dated this guy.
He was a coach. Someone specialised in programming your brain to think positive about your life and live it to the fullest.
We often talked about self esteem. I had none and he had too much. His attempt to give me some was to explain his vision of self esteem. To him there was no such thing as low self esteem. He said it was in the word itself. Steam. Condensed water to air. So it is air. And how can air have such effect on our mind?
I really don't agree. Low self esteem do exist. Only in our minds , but it still exist.

I did some thinking on my way home from work today. Thinking about just this, self esteem. Low self esteem.
I saw this kid. Well kid may not be the right  word, he was probably 17 or sth. But you know. Being 20 I'm so old I could be his grandma. Practically. Anyways. You could clearly see he spent a lot of time, money and effort to look good. To me he didn't pull it off very well, but I know that to the normal rest of the world he is gorgeous. And I thought to myself: "Why do you need to look good?". And then I realised, that is a fucking good question! Why do we need to look good? We're not the ones looking at us, everybody else is. So why do we need others to think of us as good looking? Now give me a good answer to that. Because I ain't got none. I challenge you!

I changed my self esteem literally over night. I scanned my body from toe to fingertips, and wrote something positive about each part. If I couldn't find anything positive (like, what the h.. can you say about knees? How can knees be beautiful anyways?) I wrote that it was completely normal, similar to most people. (i.e. my knees are like any other knees). So now I have a long list, written by myself, of why my looks are perfect as it is. And every time I get low I look at that list. It really changed my vision of myself, and I got more positive and genuinely happy about myself. A crazy yet wonderful feeling I hope you alien stalkers feel or will be able to feel.



Good night my dearest alien stalkers. You are beautiful just the way you are.