Showing posts with label coitus. Show all posts
Showing posts with label coitus. Show all posts

13/01/2012

Welcome, mini-troll!



New years eve took a different direction than one first could hope. My very much pregnant little sister were sick and tired of the parasite living off her body, constantly kicking her in the ribs, back and bladder, not to mention other forms of pain you experience as a very pregnant person. Therefore she took some laxatives to put the birth in motion. And it seemed to be working. A quarter past 23 I got the terrifying phone call informing me that the contractions had begun and they were rushing to the hospital.


The world collapsed for a second. I mean. I've SEEN the growing, and eventually huge, belly of hers. But I never thought the parasite would be a baby. I mean. I KNEW it was a baby. I just didn't believe it. I think. I still don't. I'm not being mean saying I feel my newborn niece must be adopted. There's absolutely nothing wrong with her. It's my little sister. She can't possibly a mother. No. No way. Too young I tell you. Way too young. She's not old enough to know what coitus is. Damn you Sheldon Cooper, learning my sister about coitus.

Back to the story, shall we? Oh yes. The world collapsed for a second and I nearly cried. Nearly. Me and Sun stood in the hallway screaming for a couple of seconds and half a second later we were dressed to leave. She's auntietwo, so she too has the right to come. But then we both remembered that she has a boyfriend. A boyfriend who knew nobody but Sun in this party we were at. And he wanted to go home if he were left alone. And Sun cried a bit. She so wanted to come with me to the hospital, but none of us wanted him to be alone new years eve. That's just sad. I said I understood her and wanted her to stay, and then I ran as fast as I could to the subway, and made it.

My grandparents picked me up in Oslo and drove me to the hospital. And as I ran inside the hospital I could hear the fireworks outside. And all I could think of was whether I made it or not. I did.
I don't know if the noises outside had anything to do with it, but the baby decided to stay inside the safe and comfortable womb a while longer. And after an hour my sister were sent home with some painkillers. Painkillers. Really? "Will I notice if the real contraction comes while taking these?" "No, but you'll notice when the effect wears off." Comforting.

My mother drove me back to the party where people were so wasted we left at once. My oh so sedated boyfriend were, as always, arguing as hell, yelling how he was not drunk, because he had a glass of water in is hand. I also figured he must be a Jew. Because if you're a Jew and is going to say something important, you must repeat it. Three times in total. So he must be super-Jewish, because he repeats it 7-11 times. Every single time he opens his mouth - when he's drunk. Or "slightly sedated" as he argues he is.

We went to sleep, not knowing that in the middle of the night, around 5 o'clock, the real contractions had begun. My mother decided to stay at my sister's apartment, making sure everything was okay. When the contractions begun it had begun to snow, the weather was dangerous and my mother had taken sleeping pills. So driving the nearly 1hr long drive to the hospital with a screaming girl and two squeamish guys as passengers could have ended in tragedy. The best friend of my brother-in law kept on checking on my mom every 5 mins, asking if she was okay. Until she yelled "NO" back at him several times. Should you bother my mother when she's sleepy, it might just be the last thing you'll ever do. I can only imagine the scenery while laughing.

Anyways. 01.01.2012 at 08.59 my 17 year old sister became a mother for the first time. Her 19 year old boyfriend became a father for the first time, my 39 year old mother became a granny and I became an aunt. Her name is Hailie Eline. But I will call her Mïla. Welcome, my mini-troll, welcome to this world.



She definitely has her mothers mouth!


..And her father's nose.


And she has my finger <3





I made this bunny plushie for her. He is super soft and super adorable, right? First time I've ever made a plushie, so I'm quite proud!



So how was your new years eve?


17/11/2011

Sun's adventure; Regret Pill




You are familiar with the regret pill? Also known as the morning after pill.
You know, the pill women take after unprotected, like Sheldon would say it, coitus.
Or for us common people; sexual intercourse.
Simpler?
Sex. Fuck. Shag. Bang. Riding the Devil to Hell and so forth.


My best friend Sun bought one two months ago. Remembering when she bought one several years ago she went to the desk at the pharmacy, waiting for the other customers to wonder someplace else than right up her butt and nose, but as they would never leave she had to speak her private business so they heard. Then they left. And the woman working there told Sun that those pills were out in the store, next to the painkillers. She mumbled a few unnecessary foul words about how unnecessary the whole situation was while thinking that years ago they kept those type of pills behind the desk.

Having that story in the back of our mind, we can proceed to the REAL story of today.
(I did not experience this. It is all made out of what Sun told me earlier today and I way tell you before the story begins, that my friend can be a bit.. dramatic at times.)


Yet again she had to buy one of those regret pills. And she brought her sister this time.



(You can see Sun's other hairstyles over the years HERE.)

She wandered around in the pharmacy store, looking for the pill, and then noticed a guy. A guy working at the pharmacy. A boy her age, cute one. Or as she put it: a lovely young boy my age.
I know Sun very well, and understand that this is code for "OMG if I did not have the cutest and most wonderful boyfriend ever, I'd hit that!"
So having that in mind, and having in mind what kind of men she likes I have two options on how he may have looked like... So bare with me as this might get a bit schizophrenic when I use two different guys portraying one. Actually.. thinking about it, I'll just make an alternate story further down. You SHOULD read it! ......See it.. Whatever.



Boy one looks like Axel from Kingdom Hearts, a gothic/alternative guy, has silver grey eyes with a touch of ice blue, and a voice soft as pink.














She freaked out, not wanting him to think she was a slut having coitus with guys she don't know all the time and then feed on regret pills. She was so embarrassed she struggled with the payment, and dropped her card. My God, this should've been videotaped!!!!


So to the alternate story:


















As for you who do not know who Sheldon is, I pity you.